Jun

30

What Happens Here Stays Here

June 30, 2008 |

I had an experience a while back that’s been chewing at me. It deals with confidentiality, which as you know is a huge issue in small groups. When I’m leading a group, I always have members sign a group covenant that includes a confidentiality clause and then I remind them periodically of the importance of not sharing someone else’s stuff.

The way I explain confidentiality is, “What happens here or is said here, stays here. The speaker is the owner of the information, and none of us has the right to talk about their issues or needs in any form. Not even as a prayer request to someone outside of the group.” That usually makes sense.

However, I experienced a new nuance recently. I was in an open group setting that is not a small group per se. The regular attendees have become close and very open with one another. I was new and still feeling my way. During a time when participants were encouraged to pray for one another, I shared with a friend, asking for prayer for a sensitive need. Before we had a chance to pray, the leader called us back together. He asked if anyone needed prayer and my friend, without hesitation, shared my need. This hasn’t happened to me very often, so I was amazed at the shock to my psyche and spirit. I felt like I had been undressed publicly and I immediately lost my voice. I wasn’t able to protest. I was like the infamous “deer in headlights” and just sat there mutely as they dissected me.

Now you need to understand that in a closed group where trust has been built, I’m very open about needs and areas for growth. I easily lead the way to accountability and prayer. I also have my cadre of prayer partners with whom I’m more than open. But in the rest of life, I’m a real introvert and I don’t like it when someone takes the liberty to share my stuff, whether with one person or a roomful of people.

So what’s the lesson? Use good group skills whether you’re in an official small group or in any other group of people. I don’t know of anyone who wants their “stuff” shared publicly. Use common sense, and remember, just like in Las Vegas, “What happens here, stays here!”

This is particularly important for those of you who lead open groups. In an open group, there is usually a nucleus group that has grown close and developed a history with one another. You may feel a certain freedom with one another. But be especially cautious when newcomers attend the group. Don’t take the liberty of sharing their stuff openly. Let each person find their own level and share when and how they are able. And be sure that you don’t take any liberties with their stuff.


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