Dec

9

Keeping Your Small Group Small

December 9, 2007 |

Jamie commented on my last post. I thought her question was worth bringing up and answering on a main post. She said,

Curious: how do you count “people” in a couples group? Six would be way too small, because if one couple misses, you’ve lost a third of the group. But we currently have better than 10 couples (and IMO that is TOOOOOOOO many). And people are always inviting MORE. I feel like we’ve gotten out of hand (and can’t talk anyone into splitting/birthing/multiplying whatever).

You’re right, Jaimie. I think 10 couples is about twice as big as an effective group should be. For a couples group, I like four or five couples, depending on the lifestyles of the people. If everyone is busy and there is a high likelihood that someone will always be gone, 10 people is a good number. Maybe 12, but NO MORE! My goal is to have eight people at a meeting.

You’ve raised a couple of interesting points. First has to do with inviting other members. I have two articles in the Resources section that address this, but in short, there must be an agreement in the beginning—or now—about how people are invited and who may invite. Is this an open group that has no limits? Many groups are like that for various reasons. Sometimes the leaders have a heart for evangelism and want an open group that is open to seekers. But in my experience, more often the leader is mesmerized by being so popular and having the “best” group. Unfortunately, if the group is allowed to grow as big as yours, it may be popular, but it won’t be effective.

The other reason groups grow is that someone in the group is a softie and can’t stand to see anyone left out. So as soon as they meet a new person they invite them to the group. It’s interesting to me that these soft-hearted people are often the ones who resist multiplying or splitting, and are often unwilling to become leaders.

So what can you do? If you’re the leader of the group, you need to take charge and be the leader. And if you aren’t, you can do one of three things. 1) You can stay and deal with it. 2) Or, you can talk to the leader about the need for defining the group and its limits. Perhaps give the leader a copy of the articles or these blog posts. 3) Or, you and your hubby can graciously bow out and go start a group that will be more to your liking. And one that will have some limits and therefore be more effective in helping people grow.

Groups, like children, need boundaries. People may resist them, but without boundaries, frankly, we just don’t grow.


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