Nov

15

Missing: Human Affection

November 15, 2007 |

I just received a fascinating article, which almost appeared to be real. Turns out that it was from The Onion, which is a parody newspaper. They write in a style that is so close to real that it makes you look deeper, think twice. I did that with this article, and was struck by how close to reality it is.

It’s an article from 1998 titled “Human Affection Now Available Only From Grandparents, Down Syndrome Children” and cites a supposed study that indicated that only these two groups are still capable of genuine human affection. The fact that it seemed plausible speaks to the tenuous human condition and has huge implications for our churches and groups.

The reality is, people are lonely, busy, and tired. They are often too lonely to reach out and build relationships. And many in today’s wounded society don’t really know how to build relationships. I write about this often in dealing with challenging people. Some of the most challenging are those who, because of childhood abuse or neglect, are unable to contain their behavior and emotions, and therefore are unable to bond or function in group settings. They’re alienated and need a greater degree of intervention than most lay leaders can offer. They become the fringe people in society and in our churches. The people we want to avoid because we know that entering into a relationship with them is just too deep a hole.

Others are too busy and too tired to make an effort at relationships. They work long hours, fight a commute from Hell, and when they finally get home, they’re tired. Bone tired and brain tired. It’s so much easier to take off their shoes, settle in on the sofa, and lose themselves in the lives of the soaps on TV. They live vicariously through Jack Bauer, Merideth Grey, or the latest star on Survivor. They have barely enough human affection for their families. Don’t ask them to share it with a small group.

I received an email just this week from a pastor who asked, “Is there any research showing that our culture of small groups has peaked, and the trend is now moving towards personal, autonomous or family-cell growth instead?” I responded that I’m not aware of research (although I’m sure it’s there), but that certainly anecdotally this is a trend. We continue to see groups suffering because the culture is lonely, tired, and busy. I responded to him with several questions to help diagnosis just what’s going on in his church. I’ll share those more at length over the next several posts. But meanwhile, let this article be a wake-up call. Have you closed off your ability to express human affection because you are lonely, busy or just too tired?


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