Rules for Respect

October 4, 2007 | 4 Comments

Mary Schaller at lists ten Rules for Respect, taken from the book Secrets of Effective Communication and summarized by Kathy Hellman. These are amazing guidelines for maintaining appropriate boundaries with anyone—especially with members of your small group.

Especially if you have challenging people in your group, consider discussing these rules at your next meeting. And then—here’s the hard part–learn to live by them…

1. If you have a problem with someone, come to them privately.

2. If I have a problem with you, I’ll come to you privately.

3. If someone has a problem with me and comes to you, send them to me. I’ll do the same for you.

4. If someone consistently will not come to me, say “Let’s go together. I am sure he/she will see us about this.” I’ll do the same for you.

5. Be careful how you interpret me. On matters that are unclear, do not feel pressured to interpret my feelings or thoughts. It is easy to misinterpret intentions.

6. I wlll be careful how I interpet you.

7. If it’s confidential, don’t tell. If you or anyone comes to me in confidence, I won’t tell unless a.) the person is going to harm himself/herself, b.) the person is going to physically harm someone else, or c.) a child has been physically or sexually abused. I expect the same from you.

8. I don’t read unsigned letters or notes.

9. I don’t manipulate; I will not be manipulated; do not let others manipulate you. Do not let others try to manipulate me through you. I will leave conviction to the Holy Spirit (he does it better anyway).

10. When in doubt, just say it. The only dumb questions are those that don’t get asked. The only dumb questions are those that don’t get asked.

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4 Comments so far

  1. JOY VIRGINIA on October 7, 2007 5:37 pm


    Wow! I am impressed with this site. I like it because it serves as a resource…a reference of sorts. So many times you don’t know where to go for help and information. However, this is a site that one can trust.

  2. JOY VIRGINIA on October 7, 2007 5:40 pm

    Sister Sikora:

    I am the one who have been writing you about the BASS CONFERENCE. I saw you there last year and was truly blessed. I was able to purchase some of your materials…and like this site because it allows me to see more of your amazing talent offered tohelp people grow.

    See you at Bass

  3. J. B. G. on October 7, 2007 5:44 pm

    You are a very good counselor/therapist/inspirator/motivationalist/informationalist (if that’s a word)
    In summary…Thank God that He is blessing you to bless others.

  4. patsikora on October 7, 2007 7:40 pm

    Joy, thanks for your kind comments. Keep coming back and let me know if I can serve you specifically. Did you see that I will be at BASS in 2008? I’ll be doing four workshops in the small groups and CE sections. I’d love to meet you there.

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